He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
