Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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