We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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