if you like me you must not know who I am
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
