Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
