Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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