So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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