Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
