this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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