Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
