You're earring is so big in my mouth
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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