Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
