pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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