We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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