i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
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From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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