I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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