God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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