he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
