I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
