I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
