Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
