It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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