Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
