I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
