Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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