i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
