im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
