I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
