mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
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He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
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I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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