Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
