Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
