Nicole vs. Life
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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