I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
