I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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