I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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