i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
