need another drink. this is the easiest way
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
