I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
