I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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