plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
