wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
