just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
