dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
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we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
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Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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