whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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