Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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