I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
