There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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