It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
