We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
