took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
