Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
