I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
