were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
