we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
