I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
