it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize