Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
