Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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