we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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