I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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