So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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