so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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