your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My vagina is officially offended.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
