my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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