i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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