she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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