Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
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You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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