Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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