This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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