so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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