i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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