how can u be prego again
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
