So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
