Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
