my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
