what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
