Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
