What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
