She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Randomize
