Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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