I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
