i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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