The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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