Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
