Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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