dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
a search helicopter?!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
