everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
