I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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